a good night

i only b/p 3 times today. believe me, that is good given the fact that i spent the entire day until tonight alone in the apartment.

i had a great night. i made a healthy dinner. had my grandmother's escarole bean soup. a huge bowl of it. i know it sounds weird but it was symbolic for me of her love and support. for Italians, food is very symbolic and actually recovery can be difficult when relatives are constantly trying to stuff more food down your throat. it is alot of pressure. but anyway, her soup was so wholesome and very good nourishment for a body that has been depleted of nutrients all week. after dinner, i took a long walk. it was glorious out. i breathed in the sunlight and the wind. i said some prayers asking that God help me next week when i start my recovery. just saying the prayer made me feel that actually i am already starting. just by thinking about it.

after the walk, i had received a message from my roommate wanting to pick us up some ice cream (froyo for me). my other roommate and i ended up meeting her. everyone was out and about davis square...live music...and i ate peanut butter frozen yogurt. a small size, not the medium i usually get because i did not want to be triggered.

i have to sleep tonight and i am trying to make it through the rest of the night b/p free. i usaully make the mistake of allowing myself the whole day if i already screwed up but no success is too small and i want to make it to the end of the night with my supper staying in my stomach. tomorrow is an 11 hour work day. i am tired of being tired.