2 days!!

well guys, i have gotten through two days! my days have been jam-packed that i have not had time to write. i have not had any food cravings yet which is miraculous in and of itself. i am trying to eat enough to nourish my body. still working on adding the fats.

i did have a weepy episode during the car ride home tonight from my grandmother's. it was like i was grieving over my mother's death which has not happened yet but something i fear very much. i know that sounds crazy. however, she is ill with lupus, arthritis, fibroid tumors, a hyperthyroidism and kidney disease. and also borderline. the combination of lupus and borderline scares me the most because she is not taking care of herself. she has been in emotional pain most of her life and now the illness which i swear she uses as part of her borderline behaviors but still, she IS sick. i found out my grandmother had no idea about her diagnoses. that is just like my mother to tell some people and not others. anyway, for some reason, i got real emotional at the thought of her dying young. she is only 50 y/o and so sick! i am afraid she will die within 10 years because she does not take care of herself. went to a whole conference today on borderline and still do not know how to help her. i am caught between loving my mother and wanting to "help" and "care" for her and forcing myself to not be a part of her nonresponsiblity with her life. i hate watching her suffer.

anyone out there have a borderline family member?

thanks for all your helpful comments on food. i am truly grateful.

will write more tomorrow. it is past 11:00 and i am exhausted but happy about my 2 days.