asshole
i am in idiot, at least that is how i feel. i can't beleive i gave myself to this asshole. i can't believe i let him charm me so well into thinking we had a special connection that was mutual. after we had our "honest" talk about seeing other people last night following sex (to which he was not willing to commit to seeing other people either way but "i will let you know", oh and "i like you but i am not crazy about you." ouch) , we had a great dinner out, chemistry was there, lots of laughing, goodbyes and his last words ("let's email each other tomorrow and i will talk to you then!). i went home feeling relieved that i was not going to have premarital sex anymore until we were inlove,( mind you, the assumption that we had a future together.) i was hoping still that this relationship would grow into something special. it felt good to slow things down so that i could be true to my morals and that he could now fulfill his "curiosity" about other women until he was ready to make a commitment to be exclusive.
then yesterday i checked to see if he was online and he was at noontime!! he never did send me an email like he said he wanted to and of course, neither did i. when i got home from my 12 hour day i checked to see if he was online because i was surprised he had not called me yet like he usually does and sure enough at 9:00pm, ONLINE on match.com. he never did call last night and i cried ALOT. i felt so rejected and hurt and foolish that i had slept with him. and i thought he would have had a little more respect for me the day after to at least call and communicate that this is what he wanted to do. after all, this guy was emailing and calling me multiple times per day. this is the same guy who wanted to see me everyday and talk to me on the phone for 3 hours at a time. a guy who couldn't let me leave his side until 3am 4 nights last week. now i know that it meant nothing special, and that he is needy and an ass.
i guess what i was hoping for in my own romance addicted thinking was that when i encouraged him to see other women and to slow down, that he would have said he felt what i did and did not want to see other people, rather than "well i like you, but i am not crazy about you yet."
this morning, i feel more centered, although my heart is still hurting. the disappointment is overwhelming, the questions of how i could be so foolish in misreading someone's character, and all of this breeds more lack of self-trust.
i know eventually he will contact me and i am not sure what to do. in a way, i want him to know that I DO NOT WANT HIM ANYMORE. i do not want a guy who does that, who has such little respect for women that he uses them because he is lonely. all of those compliments and his charm stemmed from his neediness and inability to be alone and i foolishly thought it meant something. now that i am not willing to have sex, he is online the very next day. what an ass.
what to do...what to do...the last time i was this dissapointed, i relapsed. except at least with that one i did not have sex. i am really hurting and yet, it has been over a month now since i last b/p. i do not want to return to it but it is tempting. it is tempting to say "fuck it, who gives a shit? men suck" i am starting to feel hopeless in my ability to be in a relationsip that is healthy and honest. i just do not know what to beleive anymore.
and i want my ella fitzgerald and loreena mckennitt cds back. and my brownie pan. yes, like a fool, i made him brownies one night because i knew he loved them. i do not know how to get my stuff back. my sister said to forget about them and she would replace them if it meant i would ignore his calls and emails. any ideas from you wise women?
posted by Jackie @ 5:16 AM
5 Comments:
I don't know the whole deal about your relationship, but could you be jumping the gun a bit? He said he liked you,but wasn't crazy about you yet...people fall in love at different times. Just because you feel strongly for him now, doesn't mean he has to be at the same level as you, at the same time. That rarely happens in relationships. If he's worth it, then maybe give him some time,and enjoy the relationship, like you have so far. Love doesn't happen at the same time for everyone, and if you shut every man out because he's not head over heels for you when you feel he should be could be a mistake.
As for him being online...that would irritate me too. But since you are not having an intimate relationship anymore, he could be getting mixed messages from you? Men don't understand sex being taken away from them, to them it's punishment, or that something is wrong. It sounds like you've decided to give him the boot, and it's your right to do so. The fact that you're not on the same level in the "love" department is one thing, but if he's not willing to committ to you exclusively, to get to know you, truly, then maybe it's for the best. Just make sure you're giving him the heave-ho for the right reasons. In the grand scheme of things, your relationship is still quite new, and he may need more time to get to the "exclusive level", it's up to you if you want to wait.
And being online doesn't mean he's trying to fullfill his sexual needs, I wouldn't read into it too much....maybe distance yourself a bit, and keep your eye open as well for other potential suitors...it may also be too early on your part to close the door to other men.
Ok, I'm rambling, and like I said, I don't know either one of you or your full stories, this is just what I'm getting from what I've read. Hopefully it helps a bit.
Oh ya, as for relapsing...please don't, nothing in this world is worth relapsing for, especially a man.
Take care,
Frida
thanks feisty frida, i realize i am being a bit overly emotional about all this. i do feel that since i said i was not willing to have sex anymore until we were more serious, that he was not willing to be exclusive at that point. that is something that i do not understand with men. of course it has been a month and i do not expect him to be madly inlove with me even though i was crazy about him. but i did expect him to like me enough to want to get to know me at an exclusive level because of everything we had shared these past few weeks, emotionally and physically.
the fact that he did not call me after the day we spent together making love and going to church and people-watching says alot to me. if he had called to check in and was still online i would not care as much, but he has been vague about what he wants and then when he neither called nor emailed me, i felt disrespected and forgotten. i hope that clarifies some things, i am a bit more rational at this point. and i do have another date tonight with someone else.
I hate dealing with men. I find the dating thing such bullshit. Let me tell you, finding my husband was a major relief. Men are on totally different levels than women...which makes it harder on us. I would feel disrespected as well if I were you. I'm sorry you've had to feel these shitty feelings, and I hope your date tonight puts a smile on your face!!
Love,
Frida
thanks again frida! i am glad for you that you found your husband. i hope i find the same. i won't settle for anything less. my date tonight went fantastic. i think i will see him again in a couple days. but this time i will go very slow. as for cravings, they are completely gone. it is a major lesson for me to remember that difficult feelings always lessen and go away with time. i certainly do not want to ruin a whole month of clean time over an asshole.
ya, especially over an asshole!
xoxo
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