not kosher

i am doing the thing i tell most of my clients NOT TO DO: i am tapering myself off of my anti-depressant. i do not want to be on meds. i want to do this on my own. and besides, i have given the medication several months to help me with my bulimia and if anything, i am more impulsive on it.

tonight as i drove home from my friend's house, i was thinking how much i want health. i want to feel clean inside and out. i hate bulimia and yet, i can't stop. why is that?

i am going to start going to church again and taking walks. i stopped exercising weeks ago and i miss it. paying for a gym membership that i hardly use.

just vomited in the bathroom from food over 3 hours ago. i refuse to purge in public or at a friend's house. although i have done that in the past... how can my roommate not confront me about the smell? am i really fooling her like i think i am? who knows? part of me could care less and the other part of me is very ashamed...

tomorrow when i have more energy, i will write about the latest guy drama. i have two first dates this weekend, two different guys. this match.com stuff takes so much time and commitment!! good night everyone out there.