Day 0
Well I am back to square one. I had last Tuesday through yesterday Sunday b/p free. Even got through a couple of really bad craving days and then this morning, went to the morning meeting and saw the bagels and coffee cake and even the fruit and it was like I became a robot...I just started eating and eating and eating, all day long. I stole bagels, stuffed candy bars from the vending machine in my pockets, ate in secret in the chapel where no one would see me and threw up everything. Used two different bathrooms at the hospital so not to be obvious. I b/p at least 3 times today, and am about to go purge the meatball calzone, pint of ice cream, package of cookies, popcorn, pop tarts and the snickers bar. I feel disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. All I want to do is throw up, crawl into bed and go to sleep. But life is still calling me...have to pay bills, call my boyfriend, clean my room, prepare for another 12 hour work day tomorrow. Will write again soon.
posted by Jackie @ 5:47 PM
3 Comments:
Hey! I have never commented here before, but I found your blog through PTC. I too am a recovering bulmic and I wanted to say to you that I totally understand how you are feeling about having a bad day after so many good ones. But you have had more good days in the last week than bad ones and that is AMAZING!
Esperanza
not sure if you got my text. we will do this. i want to give up too. we are able. we CAN. today YOU and i STOP. like we said. cos i feel the same.x
wow.....i completely understand how you feel.
im 21 and have been bulimic for the past 8 years, i am at the point where it is just killing me, i have spent 3 nights in the last 2 weeks in the hospital, having tests n the like, basically i was throwing up my insides, tore my osophagus and stomach and threw up nothing but blood....blood that had gone into my stomach and sat there until i threw it up....i can tell that you want help and i know how hard it is, its the monster that controls you, it started as me in control, not any more, anyway, i hope this finds you well, if you would like to chat or anything...venting is always good, lol...feel free to contact me...God Bless You
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