slip
i slipped tonight. i can't write about it right now, i am too numb, anergic and at the same time angry with myself to even acknowledge it. i am truly sick of myself. tomorrow is my 30th birthday.
posted by Jackie @ 6:25 PM
Willing to be willing but unable to stop
About my bulimia and other people/romance addictions...
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Willing to be willing but unable to stop
About my bulimia and other people/romance addictions...
About Me
- Name: Jackie
- Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States
I am a 30-year old single woman with bulimia. Ironically, I also am a part-time therapist and help people with addictions and depression. I guess that makes me a hypocrite or maybe just another human being. After 4 years of abstinence, I relapsed several months ago. While I am not throwing up in public places or stealing food like I was at age 23, I have been b/p on a daily basis to cope with anxiety, depression, loneliness, and sometimes postive emotions like excitement. In fact, I forgot how much i enjoyed bulimia. How quickly it progressed from a coping mechanism to a full-fledged addiction again complete with demon thoughts, denial and self-hatred. I am hoping that my creating this blog, I will prevent another 9 years of bulimia as before. I am grateful for all of you out there who truly understand.
Previous Posts
- my family and friends
- finally some clarity and peace
- a date with myself
- asshole
- FEAR OF BEING KNOWN
- UNCERTAINTY
- my heart
- relapse dreams
- too easy?
- a little more grounded....
2 Comments:
Hi beautiful,
It is ok. True, not an excuse to justify the behavior but please remember that you have much courage and are battling a beast so baffling . . .
I slipped after 7 months and 1 day, I still have not got it together but I dare not quit -- I know I am not alone and that the chapter I live is neccessary, for it is the greatest treasure and will help someone else some day.
Thank you for your honesty.
Hi Jackie,
I know how disappointing it is to slip after doing well for some time! Please don't beat yourself up too much! You have been doing really great, and this slip-up doesn't need to stop you from continuing to do great! Setbacks are a part of recovery. They are normal. We're not perfect.
Remind yourself of how great it felt to be healthy and b/p-free, and know you have it in you! You did it for an extended period of time - you can do it again! Just think of what an accomplishment it was for you to quit cold turkey the way you did! You are so strong!
I, too, slipped a few days ago after 3 weeks. I decided not to let it get me down and pull me back into the downward spiral. I can go another 3 weeks - hopefully more!
You're in my thoughts!
much love,
Emily
Post a Comment
<< Home