frustrated

i did it tonight, one time. i came home with every intention to be good but found an empty apartment and my stomach growling. i did not buy anything but binged on what i could find: Kashi cereal (with sugar i added to it), wheat low carb pasta (with lots of butter, salt and cheese added), and 5 sliced of whole wheat toast (again with lots of butter). oh and a Kashi granola bar and 2 pieces of fruit. yes i purged fruit!! crazy. i am sick.

when i arrived home, i felt so exhausted from work and very restless. i am always worked up after seeing clients. the adrenaline is pumping from working 11 hours and hearing intense stories. in fact today i was so restless about work tonight that i felt compelled to eat my dinner at 3pm rather than 6. and then of course by 7:30 when i finished work, i was starving. i completely set myself up. i cannot seem to tolerate any intense feeling.

anyway, i only did it once and i am going to bed now. i keep thinking of that $955 i spent and what i could have used that money for...