California

I went to California for the first time over the past weekend. I did not b/p from Thursday night until Sunday night. That is actually good and I had some rough cravings over the weekend, mostly on the second day of abstinence. By the third day, it was 50% easier but then as soon as the opportunity arose, I slipped.

I do not know what in the hell is holding me back from freedom. I have everything to look forward to by giving this up and everything to lose if I do not.

I bought some good skin care products from my electrologist tonight. Perhaps that will be an incentive to now clean myself from the inside out as well. I am hoping my vanity and desire for my old clear skin will be an incentive to at least significantly reduce bulimic episodes. Once I slip, I slip 3-4 times per day until the next abstinent stretch which would be several days or weeks later. I have b/p 4 times today, 4 times yesterday and even once in the airport. I am tired.

Off to bed and need to make it a priority to write more on this blog. God bless all you fellow addicts.