Tough night

Restlessness and anxiety the entire day and night. Difficulty concentrating at work on my clients. Obsessing about when my next bite will come from. Feeling frustrated after it is over. Feeling like waiting until tomorrow morning is too long and I will go crazy. Tried to watch TV tonightwith fiance but it was difficult. I felt like I wanted to jump out of my skin and I could not relax. Sometime I wonder if I am being punished, like maybe this is the penance for my sins. Or maybe this is the consequence of my actions.

I hate this. But I am not turning back now I really wish I could have peace.